white shorts are a girls way of saying "im ready to fuck cuz its not my time of month"
I have now added draft and wells specials that different bars have to my blackberry calendar.. Help me.
currently waiting for her to check in on Facebook, the second she does I'm there. someone is getting laid tonight
I'm not stalking, she is pretty much begging me to come find her if she checks in
You know how most people would take your keys when they don't want you to leave a party? Those 2 girls aren't most people. They took my pants instead.
I'll be really easy to find... I'm the naked one rolling around in cats.
She said she liked strap-ons.
SHE WAS TALKING ABOUT SHOES, YOU ASSHOLE! YOU'RE THE WORST WINGMAN EVER!
Pretty sure I scared him off for good. The lesbian in me is ecstatic.
what the hell is that chicken wire thing she's holding?
An artistic expression of her stupidity.
QUIT RUINING DICK PICTURE DAY
How did work go after you told them you were in jail?
Great they tried to bail me out.
You popped the Plan B pill then clapped twice, said "mischief managed" and headed tward the bar.
When we left, you were on your third beer. When we came back to grab you, you had a pint glass half full of whiskey and had convinced the band to give you a microphone.
We'll never be able to grow apart now. You can't look at a stranger & say "Yea I ate goldfish crackers off his dick." & just be casual about that.
Sooooooo, maybe just fucked on a motorcycle.
I made out with my moms boyfriends son last night. Thanksgiving is gonna be reeeal fun!
Randomize
