This is the LAST time i'm accepting the excuse "tequila made me do it". Even tequila thinks buying all of nickelback's itunes singles is fucking retarded
period poops. best. ever.
omigod im sitting here with ben and he and i both got that...chick you totally just mass texted that...
I just remembered yelling "they're gonna let me be a lawyer! Me! Why would they do that?"
This girl is drinking wine and watching grey's anatomy in the library during finals week. I hate comm majors.
So how many shot glasses of coffee grounds make a pot?
That was the most comfortable bag of doritos I have ever slept on!
Someone better explain the burnt stove marks on my bed.
Wait til she sees the pic of her vag in court docs.
I think my vagina is phsycic. All day it tingled and then BAM Channing Tatums look alike fucks me like ive never been fucked in my life.
I'll ask around, all of my friends have girlfriends now for the most part though so they're all dead inside
He said I took his samurai sword off his wall and proceeded to jump off his porch at people coming home from the bar.
As much as I enjoyed playing drunk half naked twister and talking about my daddy issues last time, I'll have to pass.
So I told him "To answer your question yes I am naked making pizza pops in your kitchen"
i feel as though me waking up and asking her if i went to the hospital was a sign that i was not okay
dont ever go to laser tag drunk. you will be judged.
Randomize
