Almost accidentally stole a baby... explain later
She never called back. Financed a fleshlight.
How does "I'm not drinking tonight" turn into body shots?
dude that bald bouncer just did a body shot off of brian and then kicked us out for trying to charge him for it
Seriously, I'm ready to settle for ugly and unemployed as long as he has decent hygene and likes to go down.
Pretty sure that I got the MVP of wedding reception... woke up on the bench in the hallway of a hotel and we did NOT start the night there.
My only regret is that we didn't pee on our neighbors Prius
I don't have to hold her hair back as she blows me but I do have to hold the ball on the Santa hat
You can't be friends with my side piece. Conflict of interest.
I have never appreciated strippers so much. Ma'am, you are an artist
It was a good dick. I give credit where credit is due. A good dick deserves praise.
i am craving dick and cupcakes
Fuck I think I want to but I don't think I should. Caught between should and wanting.
just follow your vagina
Quote of the day.
I woke up in my neighbors backyard with glitter on my teeth and sparklers super glued on my bra. which part was your fault?
We're pretty sure we got naked at Pride, so running the two blocks to your place in my underwear is a step up the dignity ladder really.
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