I submitted an essay to my history teacher comparing changes in the middle ages to the song changes by David Bowie. I can't wait to see my grade on that.
Just puked on the beach. Hungover. In front of my parents. I love summer.
I went to class with the sex aroma on me. The hot sun doesn't help much.
you tipped EVERY employee at white castle
ride him like a prized pony all the way to orgasm town.
I just called him "young grasshopper" in a conversation. THIS is why I don't get numbers when I'm sober
They have chocolate covered tequila candy at work. This is not a drill. May be drunk by noon.
I just found a plastic cup with panties inside of it. Let's play CSI.
We fucked to the rythmn of the thunder, it was magical
i have officially banned the recreational use of bayonets.
I would not be watching the debate if there wasn't drinking involved. Let's be honest.
Oh my lord it is too early in the morning to be that horny freak
my vagina doesn't wear a watch
I sent him a tit pic on accident and he replied with "nice ass"
It's not my fault you decided to fall in love with a Frodo Baggins lookalike
Open the door and I will lure them out to freedom with viagra and candy orange slices. You know they love that shit.
Randomize
