My life is like a Sweet Valley High book but with lots of alcohol.
i woke up to find out i shared my bed with a full, open can of natty light last night and didnt spill it. then i drank it for breakfast.
Seriously wondering if smoking a bowl for lunch was a bad idea.
OR THE BEST. STAY TUNED.
Haga you didnt jbsii whee wu an therer
Party on wayne
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Are we still banned from the library?
We pretended the crowd cheering the Thunder's win was cheering for us while we had sex on the couch.
I walked outside an you were laying down talking to a star about your life. That's when I took the bottle of jack away...
You lifted he top layer off his birthday cake and made it say 'eat me' in the cookie monster voice so yeah he knew.
Maybe you need to change your pickup move. The "hey check these out" titty flash gets you the wrong kinda man.
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my make-up looks really good tonight. I swear it had nothing to do with me finishing all of your strawberry vodka.
Now I just sit back and wait to give ass birth to pure evil.
I'm not sure if I should pay him or he should pay me, but someone should get paid for the sex I had this morning.
Apparently the guy with the moaning gf that lives above us is in my DES class... AWKWARD
you ate an entire watermelon by using a CD as a spoon, then proceeded to chuck the leftovers at some dudes car...
He just got back from doing field research studying wild chimpanzees in the goddamn jungle. Obviously I fucked him.
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