the only compliment i could think of for this chick was that she looked 'moderately attractive'
We fed your dog hot wings then gave it some Bud light to drink. You're right. Dogs are fun.
It's one of those mornings when I woke up thinking that i really shouldn't have hooked up with my ex boyfriend's girlfriend just to prove a point.
This creepy guy was following me and i hid in the bushes. i could say i was high as an excuse but honestly it was straight up fun.
You are mentally unprepared to be exposed to my degree of perversion.
Dude she gave you head while I was in the closet, we've passed the "awkward" phase.
The trashcan full of everclear punch caught on fire...you should probably come home now.
Will i get arrested If i steal the salvatiion arny guys bell for ringing it to close to my hangover
you never know what sharing a kayak could lead to
It's true
He wasn't excited for the fifty shades of grey trailer, so I told him we're done
He offered to take me to my appointment after breakfast then kind of just sat there and watched me get a papsmier. Most awkward first date ever.
Also, there's a guy walking around the kitchen in a shark onzie, and he just asked if we've ever smoked weed with a shark before. I'm dying
I'm a fuck boy trapped in a single mom's body.
We'll just play naked Twister, the rest will take care of itself
On a scale of 1 to hungover I’m definitely throwing up at the office today.
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