We're watching an ocean show on Discovery Channel and drinking every time they say "dolphins." PS. Seals kill birds. Tell all your friends.
He was so confused why there was a string hanging out of my vagina.
She kept screaming "best case scenario"
FACT: the parking lot attendant was yelling "NO SEX HERE! NO SEX" at yall.
THERE WAS A HANDPRINT OF BLOOD ON HIS SHOULDER
Someone had Captain Morgan and orange juice at the same moment I lost my hangover and I just had to give it a try.
I wonder if there is a über wall of shame that you are currently on. Like between drivers.
I told you naked hot tub wrestling would turn bad now one of us has a gash on the head and another a black eye
I guess "hi, I know your mom, she taught me in high school" is an effective pickup line
Do not buy a prego test at the Walgreens you frequent. It's awkward. Just trust me.
Maverick's sitting in jail wearing a turkey costume and I am soooo jealous.
the girls would appreciate it if you invited over some drunk, single, straight men with low standards.
I'm going to draw something on my chest and I need to incorporate my nipples. Any ideas?
look im sitting on my bathroom floor in my underwear snorting cocaine can we talk about this later
Only good thing about the 50 Shades is that it is now completely OK to call a credit card co to dispute the charge for nipple clamps that didnt arrive.
Randomize
