Some chick in the back of my Psychologhy of Addictions class just did a line off her hand. She tried to make it look subtle.
My vagina hasn't been this smooth since I was 8. I better get laid tonight.
there's no food at this bar, but i'm pretty sure vodka is made of wheat so i'm basically drinking bread.
Its official. 'Jingle Bell Rock' gives me a boner. Thank you Lindsay Lohan & Rachel McAdams.
I'm so bored right now i'm literally Googleing all the possible ways to get high with household items as my mom is sitting in front of me..
Drunk texting with my high school teacher. This hurricane is bringing out the best in everyone!
I think people like me is why alcohol became illegal at one point
I don't listen when you talk. I just try to find new creative ways to get you to send me naked pictures.
I'm high and I have a consensual booty call on the way and just thought that it was a good time to let you know that I think that you are a stellar person.
I feel like I'm going to shit out a Big Mac
My dream of watching a live dick sword fight might never be realized now. Currently sobbing, shots to follow
We need to talk about your improper dealings with the town drug dealer.
This is either the best idea i've ever had or the worst. stay tuned.
I tried to face swap with Chuck Norris. His face was too powerful... it broke my snap chat.
You were sober bartending last night right?
Sorta. I remember you crying, ripping rose petals off the flower stem and slowly sprinkling them behind the bar at me and singing softly
Romantic
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