True story: Just left my solo cup on a cop car. Yesss
You weren't lying about those ceramics students giving the best hand jobs.
i could totally date him if i was just drunk the whole relationship
an off duty cop drove behind me last night to make sure i didnt get a dui. i was blacked out drunk and on a pill of ecstacy. he knew this. i must be really pretty.
I can't. He's too cute and my tongue is too long.
Your dignity remains intact. He, on the other hand, is completely convinced he slept with your cat.
I just kept pointing at random people and telling the bartender to put it on their tab.
Who is this?
You offered to lift up your dress at the bar so I could see your lower back tattoo
Um, I think that was a general offer to everyone. So...who IS this?
I'd like to bring you 40 virgins and treasure chests of gold to make you feel better
My penis is saying yes, several less important organs are saying noo...
His flight was delayed by two hours though. I just got cock-blocked by clouds :(
Wow I got tittyfucked by the American Dream
i have a serious question for you... Why I am i not wearing any pants?
I’ve looked at so many mouse vaginas in the past week
Sorry. Im too sleepy to penis.
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