Apparently I called 911 everytime Sean Kingston told me to
if I hooked up with that creppy kkid in bio does that count as doing charity work during the holidays?
i'm as serious about my hair as jesse from full house.
that is uncle jesse to you, show some respect.
then out of nowhere we heard a voice yell "Fuck that pussy!"
I pulled an all nighter. So hoped up on coffee and aderall. Pretty sure you could take my pulse through a snow jacket...
Sorry I couldn't make it...got a scrambled voicemail, all I heard was "Bring the dildo"
Is it normal that every guy I hook up with tells me my hair is sexy as it's happening? Like that can't be normal
He was the highest I've ever seen. Almost had him convinced there are only three colors in the rainbow...
She wore her engagement ring the whole time we fucked. I hate her fiancee, so it was cool
I'll just bring the big suitcase this trip so I don't have to play wine bottle tetris again.
I just need some of your time and all of your body.
The sorting hat of life was not kind to you.....
I love you man I just want to hold you and fuck you until you only know my name
I don't know who you are but HOW THE FUCK DID YOU GET MY NUMBER
I party with great urgency now.
i shit you not. the flight is delayed because they have to change fucking light bulb. all the airport bars are closed and my shit is in checked luggage.
Randomize
