I bet a guy could be masturbating under the table now and people would just think he was clapping along.
you called to congratulate me on being the reason you lost never have i ever
She solidified the fact that the icon from Wendy's is the only ginger I care for
It's a good thing i didn't end up pregnant...i would have had to figure out his last name.
Like. There is beer on the other side of that door and 6 yards in. If he's not back in 20 minutes to let me in, I am using this tree as a battering ram.
If you value my life, if you value your own, please look for that godforsaken cookie. Please.
i now officially have to be stoned in order to look like my passport when i go to a different country
Just found the cutest bag of coke under my bed. I'm going to get fucked up and bleach the cat vomit out of my sheets.
im going to hold it over his head for all of eternity. when his children are born i am going to go to the hospital as his wife is giving birth and shove the picture in the childs face, so the first time they see their father is in a drunken stupor looking like a jackass.
I think I'm too tall to 69 successfully.
I think I might cry.
I CAN FEEL MY HEART BEATING MY WHOLE BODY
You threw your body across the gross couple hooking up on the couch and demanded they scratch your back. I love you drunk on peach schnapps
yeah that bottle of rum is only the second thing I want that kid to be pulling out of his pants
I biked home blackout drunk last night, but I have some memory of throwing my bike in a rage when I couldnt get it down the stairs. No idea on the bright orange puke in the sink.
FUCK WHALES
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