happiness is walking an amphibious rodent on a leash
quadriplegic porn is always funny
no. no its not
we made a giant pot of alcholic jello. i filled a gallon bag and brought it to dorms. desk guy gave me weird looks, he doesnt realize this is how i will pass all of my room searches
ew. I made a sandwich, and the cheese reminded me of her vagina
After me and my boyfriend broke up I had to resist the temptation to send a mass text to my booty calls saying "thank you for your patience. it will be rewarded."
I wish I had a waterproof laptop so that I would watch porn in the shower.
He told me that a camel appeared out of nowhere and it told him to quit smoking...
you cant ever make fun of my bong's stick on moustache again. its the reason the cop let me keep it and my weed.
Itd be nice if there was a level of interest in me somewhere in between the indifference and obsession that I've only been attracting
My housemates are judging me because I'm high at 8am and making Spongebob shaped Mac and Cheese
They know nothing, John Stoned.
Will you fuck me while I eat my burrito though? I'm kind of hungry.
Sarah is throwing up still and I'm eating salad with my fingers
Just filed for child support I hope he gets the paperwork on Father's Day
Complete and utter failure. 100% unsalvageable. I have not failed so hard at a culinary endeavor in YEARS. MY HONOR IS IMPUGNED I HAVE SHAMED MY HOUSE
the weird part wasn't waking up in someone else's underwear, it was how the cat was staring at me like he knew more about last night then i remembered.
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