The only thing I've had to eat today was the half eaten sausage biscuit I found on my chest when I woke up this morning.
I'm about to cry with happyness at the beer that will be consumed
is it bad that I only want to go to my boyfriends house bc I want to see his roomate walk around with his shirt off?
No more Irish car bombs ever.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
then my gynecologist said "its like opening up buried treasure"
On an unrelated note: I'm also a big advocate of the "never waste a boner" theory.
DAMMIT. BOHEMIAN RHAPSODY IS GONNA GET STUCK IN MY HEAD AGAIN. FUCK YOU OLYMPICS.
Of course I have to cross through a walk for hunger
Dinner was cheetos vodka and whiskey. This is what happens when even your booty call breaks up with you.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My fridge is empty and all of my food is in the bathtub. Just.. Why?
I gave him a handjob in the uber car. Life is really spiraling downwards.
Sounds good. I'm hoping to have my life together by next week but you never know I guess.
learned the hard way that breakfast jack daniels is a lot stronger than lunch or dinner jack daniels.
Drink drank drunk tankkkkn, LETS GO
Tonight I'm getting fucked up for America because Lord knows we need it.
Randomize