My new excuse for sleeping with him was in celebration of his cat's birthday.
I should just wear a shirt that says "Im Sorry" on the front because the second we land in Vegas, I'm going to be a fuckin trainwreck.
Just watched the couple I sit for and 4 of their friends shotgun beers like college kids. Please let this be us when we get older.
Ok, it is technically a gay bar but it's a total dive w/ strong drinks. The important thing is you can start drinking at 11:00 am without judgement
oh oh oh, and apparently you can bring in your own snacks. Some old dude just gave me cashews and cheetos.
she brought my homemade cookies with condoms taped to the box... im in love
He said I was the "egg mcmuffin" of blowjobs. I'm flattered.
pro-tip: weed infused snickerdoodles are far less conspicuous to eat at work than brownies. no one ever suspects the snickerdoodle.
I'm basically flying you out for a long weekend of sex and going to the zoo
I'm cool with that
We will go to karaoke
Okay, well, i'm covered in paint, haven't showered & have already been drinking, so if I fall on the floor in a blaze of depeche mode & beer tears, you can't pretend you don't know me
In two separate occurrences, I could have avoided getting my heart broken, and chlamydia, all with a left swipe.
Is it possible for mice to climb? If so I think mice are climbing into my bed in the night and playing with my hair..
During my first week as an adjunct prof, I played a fiercely fought game of squash with a law student and we wound up having hot, sweaty, angry sex right on the floor of the court. She is either the best or worst thing to happen to my academic career. Will let you know.
He put a doughnut around his dick and I ate it. What can I say. It was a good fucking night.
By the time I realized I was watching a Danish porno with muppets it was already too late
I no longer have the means to support both a women and an alcohol addiction
Randomize
