I am looking at the epitome of fake boobs right now
you poured 3 beers into an empty vase and then passed out, so i drank them for you. don't say i'm not a good friend.
dinner with the girl I motorboated last semester wasn't as awkward as I thought it would be
His dick was poking my bladder. That big...
Also, just saw a kid in a gorilla costume being questioned by a boardwalk cop. I love ocean city.
it's 8 a.m. and there are people having sex at the foot of the strangers bed i'm in. the guy just asked the girl how she lost her baby weight so fast.
We are having a competition to see who can masterbate in the wierdest place, right now hes winning since he masterbated on his Jr. High school bus.
In a cab. Towels everywhere. Confused.
It took years to rebuild my brains forcefield against your charm and I feel like u seal team 6'd ur way in again and caught my common sense sleeping on post
I know and I love you for your valets putting your thong on your seat
I'm trying to poop and took acid, this is going to end horrid or wonderful. Oh the amusement park, not the pooping.
I woke up without my clothes on covered up with a towel on the floor because for some reason I took a bath in my clothes at 2am.
Nothing like snapchatring dick pics to a\nMarried woman while your girlfriend destroys Taco Bell in the next room. Almost caught, worth it. Got boobs back
You are ridiculously similar to a unicorn, and I want to fuck that unicorn.
We can have bacon on the roof while tanning
Randomize
