Well listen chief - never again do i want the scenario of going to the ER totally naked and partially drunk to b a possibility.
i cant believe u jumped in someones trunk just to get out of talking to me
Need sex. Gaining weight.
His drunk text included an attempt at quoting a Nyquil bottle in MLA format
story update. I'm locked out of my house. Walk of shame advisory extended...
If I should ask "why am I still single?" could someone please remind me of shooting mike and ikes out of my nose at the bartender last Saturday. many thanks
Her throat is strong enough to gargle peanut butter. I'm sure you were satisfied.
Holy walk of shame. Fuck someone's house. I walked past a family eating their free continental breakfast wearing yesterday's makeup
Omg. Some dude is jacking off in Kelly's bathroom.
he didn't stitch me up last time. in fact, he yelled at me for bleeding.
Getting free blow from a total stranger, who asked permission to stroke my eyebrows, was the highlight of my evening out. Also, I have a new cuddle dealer.
Totally thought something squeezed my boob. Then I remembered I was wearing a bra. Isn't weed great?
I touched the butt once. 'Twas an experience with the greatness of legend. So I touched it once more.
pizza hut and my weed lady just showed up at the same time. I feel 22 again.
He stole one of my good bras again. If I'm not getting laid I'm not putting with this shit. Also it's a walk of shame for you today, my car is suicidal again.
Randomize
