I am at The Loft in SoNo, and there are two girls within arms reach that are making out with each other AGGRESIVELY. Like I can see 100% of a boob
For future reference, this is Trevors little sisters phone now. Trevs number is 484 XXX XXXX. Great story tho
I wanted to tell him he wasn't actually in me, but my god, awkward?
i scrubbed and i scrubbed and i scrubbed and i still was a whore
how much land on farmville do you have now? i sold all my shit to make room i need more money... these animals need to know I'm running a business not a charity.
Seriously? Time stamp. 2:31 AM. And I am taking self potraits with a tree. Betty Ford anyone?
you can't tell me you didn't shit your pants I saw them in the trash can by the bathroom.
I want to meet new people and vomit on their things instead\n
She can't meet us until 830...there's no hope for our sobriety at that hour
I awoke this morning alone and naked in my bed I forecast my date later not going so well because I have three giant hickies on my neck there is a note next to my bed that looks a 3rd grader wrote it on my college acceptance letter
You put your finger on my lips and told me 'the butt is nature's pocket'.
I don't remember that at all, but I stand by what I said
I think i'm going to homewreck at this Disney on Ice show.
If you sleep with him again I'll have you spayed
The morning after your company Xmas party and that moment you're eating a block of cheese in bed wearing a sequin blazer and recalling all the details of your one night stand with a coworker who happened to start that day...fuck.
If we're going to communicate going forward, you'll need to be versed in Gillian Anderson.
Although, she is an extremely cool person. She put the "buddy" in "fuck buddy." And I mean that in the most respectful way possible.
Randomize
