we got a new version of the plan b at the pharmacy now. its called next choice. you would think they would come up with better names for these things.
the amount of blow i got, New years should last a week.
He came all over my face... then said "YOU HAVE BEEN ROBBED!"
What's this douchebags name?
Rob...
they told me her nickname is "wizard sleeve"
pick me up NOW
I brought up my Bobbly Flay drinking game in the interview. Of course I got the job.
I'm so proud of us for fucking the same friend group before we met in a completely unrelated instance.
You won’t make it to November. A 21st bday and Halloween in the same night has shitshow/ jail written all over it. So I call dibs on that tall guy
I know that we've never been that tight but I want you to meet my cat before I move.
Well he fell three stories from the balcony and still had the strength to fuck me for 2 hours.
And then he serenaded me with "Pimps don't cry" from 'The Other Guys'. If that's not love I'm not sure what is
I have poison ivy on my dick
WHAT
I think I just pulled an onion peel off my boob from sleeping on their kitchen floor
Dude, seriously, fucking stop introducing me as "Thomas, with the dick piercing." you are the worst wingman ever.
Youre saying I should leave him? Have you seen the dating pool these days? It's terrifying, and in the capital region it's straight Norman Bates
I’ve jerked off three times and taken five shits already today. Being hung over in your 40’s is a fucking roller coaster.
Randomize
