HE had a tribal tattoo tramp stamp, jasmine.
the trash is collected at 5:50 on mondays. i was up puking all night and heard them
i had a dream that i had so much marijuana that i didn't know what to do with it. i woke up and cried.
i rewarded my self with tacobell for not throwing up on any one. MISTAKE
I made a drinking game out of watching your DUI video, everytime you say " okay, well thats just your opinion"
i have officially banned the recreational use of bayonets.
He just told me what he wants for his birthday. "a noise complaint" he also said he wants to be the cause of all the noise but he won't be the one making the noise.
A part of me realizes this is a bad time to text. But I override it with my awesomeness
She's impossible to please. Other than with two fingers and a tongue.
No worries I have vodka. Its always on time
I watched Morgan Freeman explain the existence of nothing, now I'm afraid of sub - atomic particles. these egg rolls are outstanding
He was eating my ass and came up for air, I almost choked laughing because he had a toilet paper cling on stuck in his mustache
I am at a point in my life where I don't want to brush my teeth for my tinder date because toothpaste and martinis don't mix.
This was the fourth year in a row I got arrested at Pride. Pretty sure that qualifies me as a legend.
I feel fine lol. I tried climbing a tree but the branch broke and I got arrested.
Randomize
