Desperate + desperate does not equal a fun night.
we just drove by a car that was painted for a grad, it said "you done it!" with a confederate flag bumper sticker next to it. i love kentucky
He decided not to draw dicks on my face when I passed out because he was afraid I'd retaliate and superglue his dick to his stomach....he knows me too well.
The doctor told me if I woke up with a broken foot and don't know how it happened, I might want to look into getting treatment.
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This is going to be the summer remembered forever as the giant 3 month long mushroom trip.
The assistant vp has a bottle of wine on his desk & I have a feeling my boobs will be making an appearance today.
You just made it sound like a children's toy! It's a functioning body organ, my vagina is not a gameboy!!!
That's not a funny feeling. That's hepatitis. You got it from that bar where everything was sticky.
Why yes. I did get laid looking like that. My sheets look like there was a clown orgy
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Drunk texting is the poetry of my life
I know it's my dream I got hurt enough to leave work but not hurt enough to stop drinking
He came on my face and he was genuinely concerned about getting it in my hair. I'm marrying him.
My sex toys have been held in customs for almost a month now. They're British, what the hell?!?
Hey every now and then can you tell me you want to fuck me to boost my confidence? Thanks.
i think i puked but i couldve been a dream and i may have madeout with a 20 something guy infront of my managers...also possible dream.
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