Bullshit. I know you're watching The Dog Whisperer
That Cesar Milan is captivating
I smelled like jager and penis. The only cure was a pack of camels and plan b.
The worse part is i sent a text at like three that said i was getting head... Now i have no idea who's mouth has been on my dick
im trying not to drink and cry in the same night anymore. i'll let you know how it goes
so I'm in athletic shorts, a suit jacket and I'm still drunk at 6:30am at the last leg of relay for life
Ah shit... I sleep-ate chocolate pudding again.
she just announce I'm david copper field and tried to shove a napkin down my throat
You are the voice of reason. And I'm bringing wine. Like seriously this is his last chance. Don't touch me once, shame on you.. Don't touch me twice, shame on me
There will always be a place in my black heart for him because he gave me my first sex-induced orgasm. While you slept on the bunk above.
she basically told me that her vine videos last longer that I do
future reference: when you get a text that says "WARNING: EXPLICIT PHOTOS BEING DELIVERED. VIEWERS DISCRETION IS ADVISED." you always open the attached picture.
I need to buy fuckboy repellant for whenever I think it's a good idea to meet boys I found in tinder
Nothing warms my heart more than the sight of a naked hockey player in my bed.
I'm definitely drunk. At the gyno. On my birthday. Life is a joooooooke
I am high. And my mom surpised me today. Now i am high and with my mom....bad idea
Randomize
