i just passed a truck with a bumper sticker saying "i'd rather be cummin than strokin." god bless the midwest.
Hurry. And bring back up. SHE WON'T STOP TALKING.
i just hate vaginas for liking penis's insside them
I walked in on her just letting her nose bleed into her friend's hands
I tried to discuss modern art with a cab driver after explaining that I only had one shoe on b/c a pitbull ate the other one. Wtf. Call me when you can.
He will be forever remembered as "birthday failure" ...Got him to pierce his tongue in my bathroom, but not sleep with me......
And now I have a massive dip in and a Bloody Mary that would catch on fire if you put a flame close to it, with no pants on... At 8:15Am. Being single is pretty legit
Your dog took my vibrator out to the yard
They found you popping and locking it alone in the parking lot
He said I have a comfortable vagina. What does that even mean?
He brought me flowers and then spanked me with a Doctor Who paddle. Pretty good night, as these things go.
Awwwwwww!
Is it okay to get drunk at a baby shower? ....asking for a friend
Yeah I either headbutted a street sign while texting or I defended you two from an evil gang of nazi muggers. I was black out so I am gonna assume it was option b.
Apparently I called down to the hotel front desk and begged them to bring us pizza. They brought us tea.
Look, if it comes down to it, I’m spraying whipped cream on your nuts
Randomize
