What the hell do I have to do to get some foreplay around here? This sucks.
I think you know the answer.
How can I marinade myself in Vodka?
Come home. Power Hour by yourself is only fun for the first 10 minutes.
can we please take bets on how much therapy you'll need in the future?
He taught me how to drive a stick by using his dick. He even made the whurrrr noise so I knew when to change gears.
You asked my mom "who the fuck drives four hours to sleep in a guys bed and not touch his penis"
Just had my ass outlined on a bar top with permanent marker and then they carved the imprint into the wood with a knife. I'm famous in the country!
My roommate made me a peanut butter and sprinkles sandwich. Maybe tonight isn't that bad
I may or may not be wearing slippers and a TMNT hat. This thing better not have a dress code.
I just slipped on ice and peed on my pea coat. There's a pun there but I'm too sad to make it
Word my sister pulled through for me and brought vodka shooters for the plane. its about to be a sloppy 4 hours
Who put the fucking tampon in my Mike's hard lemonade?
I fucked him while wearing his hat. I love the navy
Can we relax the "married man" rule just once?
Like seriously how stupid drunk do you have to get befor you start finding dolphin lighters and shit in your undergarments
She sent me a thank you card for not fucking her boyfriend...
Randomize
