btw, your gf is going to want to talk to you today...and consequently you're probably not going to want to talk to me...just a heads up
let me know it goes. try not to get bit. and if you can, get someone to videotape it.
Why do my balls have what looks like rust on them?
he slapped my stomach and proclaimed it a baby-free zone
Between the booze, mechanical bulls, and penis's I think my body hates it when I'm single
Fucked Zombie Jesus at a Halloween party. I need Plan B before I give birth to the Antichrist.
We need large glitter to throw at people to signify our mystic nature
Fuck their feelings and their drinks they will get hit with sparkly confetti
And then he said he wanted to "get really weird with me on my horse." I took that as he wants to fuck me while riding my horse. Could be a good time.
In 2009 his now husband dressed in a sailor onesie and heels for pride so he needs to REMEMBER how to party
I would like to formally reclaim my title of a turn up queen.
You blew him?!?!
*Am blowing
And I keep taking breaks to write you back, please stop replying.
Drink drank drunk tankkkkn, LETS GO
THERE ARE SO MANY HOT DADS AT WHOLE FOODS
hey, cheif big dick, where the fuck are my panties.
The neighborhood cougar just purred at me while I was doing yard work. I’m terrified and tumescent
Randomize
