I don't make mistakes...just understandable bad choices.
Assholes at mcdonalds drive through wouldn't serve us last night even though we said we were on small motorcycles that were to small for them to see and weren't heavy enough for the sensors. We made noises and everything.
nah, shes just mad because we went through all her fb pics and tagged her crotch as all the guys shes fucked
I woke up covered in my own vomit with a pocket full of napkins. I guess I knew I would need them, but was not coherent enough to use them before passing out.
either my laughing turned him on, or he wanted to shut me up. either way, i dont care. it was amazing.
TINY HANDS NOT FOR BUTTHOLES
This is going everywhere on the internet.
I just recognized Courtney in a crowded Trader Joe's solely by seeing her ass. In other news, I survived the first round of layoffs today.
I'm not sure which feat is more impressive...
Is it bad that all my wine bottles have teeth marks in the cork?
One eye has cum in it and the other has sunscreen
summertime
I've officially slept through a hurricane, a tornado and had sex during an earthquake. I'm surviving.
I never thought I would encounter a situation that was "Too Gay" for me...and yet there I was.
You kept yelling stranger danger at Nick because he was talking to that girl you didn't like. Your not invited ever again.
69'd by candlelight when the power went out.
I'm wearing a sports bra. Of course I'm not getting laid tonight.
I dont pretend to understand how the heterosexual mind works. Its a mysterious cavern of stupidity and disgusting sexual acts.
Randomize
