thank god he doesn't hang out with everyone else i've had sex with
well, yeah, he can't fit the whole neighborhood in his apartment
I woke with a ring of glitter around my dick.... I kinda don't want to wash it off
I was excited because I thought I didn't have to tell you about the crabs, but surprise! You got em!
We named our saturday intramural dodgeball team "we're hungover". Pretty much just an excuse to fuel my alcoholism on friday nights.
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I want to be done crawling through windows but the sex is too good to stop...but I'm running out of excuses for where the bruises on my legs are coming from.
He came in both my eyes, then refused to give me a towel unless I found him by playing Marco Polo
i have at this current moment imbibed enough alcohol to float immerse or otherwise submerge a goat of respectable size. tequila
I'm putting "buy a bottle of scotch" on my "productive things to do to procrastinate studying for finals" list
It was a group decision to take your pants off. Took a solid 10 minutes. No more skinny jeans while drinking.
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She face-timed me on the toilet. My dick is never going to recover from that.
Just traded a shot of whiskey for a warm PBR on public transit. It's that's sort of night already.
Just found some confetti on my nipple if that's any indicator of how the night went
your girlfriend showed us your homemade porn last night.
I have this vague feeling that I was involved in a dance off with a homeless man?
We're gonna have to check the security cameras after last night
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