just got pizza delivered to the hot tub. its easier than i thought to be this lazy
I think he was having a seizure but nobody knew because 'what is love' was playing
i just discovered how you can fold down the cardboard sleeve on a hot pocket. Life just got a whole lot easier.
When his Irish accent comes out my uterus hums. Or some productive organ down there, I'm not sure of the logistics
We tried lying really still and being really quiet so that he wouldn't notice us before he left the room. Forgot about the glow in the dark condom.
Recycling day makes me feel more like an alcoholic than regular days.
Just talked to Laura, confirming that is my bra. Hope it goes well with the rest of your wall decorations.
She needs more friends. Or a second therapist.
DON'T WEAR PANTS.
I REPEAT.
DO. NOT. WEAR. TROUSERS.
It's seriously like a finger. But it's a cock. I don't know what to do. I feel like I fuck him to be polite.
"This is Emily. She likes potatoes. And sometimes laughs and cries at the same time, and has a wonderful butt"
starting to feel like a fuck wizard with a magical sixth sense for people fucking.
Meeting him up for him to pay half of the Plan B was awkward but worth it cause I'm broke as fuck
ok first of all what the fuck
I just came in my own mouth don't ask me how cuz it really hurt and felt good at the same time.
Randomize
