Ok walking to car, 3 gay guys park get out of car, one on phone says 'I dont know but I was definately getting some curb rubbing'
You were wearing a sombrero. And a crown. And told me to use the nerf gun to protect your room from the cat. You don't have a cat.
just did the walk of shame by his grandma. what the fuck is an old lady doing up at six am?
Tonight's Real World episode reinforced the well-known fact that men of any caliber can hook up with girls named "Crystal"
You insisted on drinking champagne out of the dog bowl
if youre pregnant and ruin my spring break i'll never forgive you.
you called me at 4 in the morning and invited me over for pasta and a late night viewing of titanic.
dude Steve you don't even know. its just been one hairy asshole after another.
I woke up with flowers, a tiara & pasta salad in my bed. Tequila makes me act like a fat Disney princess
I think that was him coming out to me. I just brushed it off
How long have I been using my debit card as a coaster?
Sex was great. Left his house while he was asleep but on the plus side I was able to get gas station food.
Today's goals: get day drunk then sober up in time for the walking dead tonight.
Nothing showshows the government the middle finger more than spending your tax refund on drugs
I really wish you were home bc youre the only friend I could ask to use an at home waxing kit on my vagina. I need you.
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