Went to gas station for smokes. three cops pulled in. got gas i didn't need. found diff gas station.
good choice.
Dude i dont know how people can complain that waterboarding is such a bad thing. I just sat through a fucking puddle of mudd show. Now thats torture
normally I beat off every night before I go to bed even though my little brother sleeps in the same room. So I was starting to last night, and he jumped out of bed and said "Fuck, Im not listening to this shit again" We havent talked since. fuck me
Gym doesn't open till 11. I'm sure that of the other four people waiting in the lobby, I'm the only one still drunk and only going to the gym to shower.
She said her first boyfreind was so small she is still technically a virgin.
The second I saw you stumbling down the stairs in a princess crown, I knew I had a friend for life.
Jesus just hopped over the fence with a rack of coors. How's your Halloween?
It's like I opened a door and behind it lay mythical creatures sprinklin fairy dust upon the land leading me to a pot of gold. And that gold is some delicious cock.
I blew him while he was standing up and he drooled on my head
Do you have any pictures of me mounting animals that aren't on Facebook?
There are two women in my bed. I'm gonna have a bowl of noodles so I can better understand my success.
She's been drunk for three days now
Like three straight days. 72 hours
She's been covered in glitter for the last two and somehow she found a monkey
just remember the most important rule of taking psychedelics: monsters can't get through blankets
I started my period on international women's day. It's like the world is congratulating me and punishing me for being a woman at the same time
You informed me your place was now a nudist colony and unless I was there to drink schnapps with the cat I had to strip.
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