Fine. I'll sleep in my office
Your parents are going to be so confused in the morning
More like pissed. but ill be sure to explain my pathological fear of terrorists hiding in the bathtub
I wish i could be there for it
you ever fart during an orgasm? feels like u just lost 10 pounds
A disheveled girl in front of me just looked down, shrieked, and yelled to the girl next to her "what is this" while pointing at two large white stains near the crotch of her black jeans. I love that Thursdays are weekends, it makes awesome Friday mornings
imagine playing with puppies while we're drunk.
Like... we could film it and put like, "do you believe in magic" as the backround song and it would be complete joy.
It's safe to say that bucket of tequila night can NEVER HAPPEN AGAIN.
wore my lacy blue thong that says "hello there" across the front today for my gynecologist appointment. I live to make people uncomfortable
Granted I did fall into a pond wearing your dress, but I did save a frog in the process so I think it was worth it.
I should start printing out disclaimer handouts and passing them out to people saying, "I can not be held responsible for anything I say or do this evening."
You just referred to a pillow with a stolen bra strapped to it as "she". Let that sink in for a minute.
I've been here 20 minutes and a sweaty naked man has kissed me on the cheek.
This love triangle bullshit is getting out of hand. It's now a love polygon and I want out
you need a warning label. Just announcing that you are Scottish is seen more as a challenge. Those guys have no idea what they are getting into.
Well I just had a flashback of something I did in the 4th grade. Now I can't go back to sleep.
i've hit rock bottom. Eating pringles and playing taylor swift on guitar in my underwear at 11am on a wedensday morning. Sober.
Randomize
