yea i came on her face and told her to bring a snorkel next time
I'm gonna put my relationship status as "widowed" to see if it helps me get some poon.
my shit smells like andre
Whoever said that a man can only cum up to 8 times a day is a fucking liar...or was never on adderall
keep an eye on me. i'm afraid that after a few more drinks i'll ask to borrow his wheelchair.
shes 19, drunk and said she has no gag reflex. im trying to decide if i have scruples
you dont
i dont
I refuse to go to this wedding alone, or sober. Practice drunk-walking in heels and a Bridesmaid dress begins tonight.
She told me that for every Ravens touchdown, I'd get to come once.
Marry her. Marry her now. I'll help you steal the ring.
I can't get over how you look like his sister and he wants to fuck you.
Friend as in 'I used to have sex with her' or friend as in 'I still want to have sex with her'?
Its was awkward last year cuz in the middle of it her mom bust In the room with noise makers and champagne
I WOULD NEVER MIX DICK AND MCDONALDS
You made noises. And kept meowing. I have a twenty minute phone call to prove it.
Did u guys seriously make a betting pool on when im going to get pregnant???
Yep, wanna bid?
Idk I just think that seeing that man's Twitter always resulting in me looking for the whiskey is a bad sign
Randomize
