If i could bang her from 80ft away, I would
he doesnt exactly give off the "im mature enough to use my penis" vibe
the bathroom floor of the diner looks a lot different when you're not rolling around and puking on it.
i had them turn on teen mom at the bar so i wouldnt be tempted to go home and make babies with the guy next to me
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he's my ex-boyfriend's best friend... he tried to make out with me to prevent me from hitting his friend. then they almost fought about it.
teach me your ways.
I apologize for violently hooking up with her in front of you in the jacuzzi last night.
You asked the bartender if she was trying to get you drunk. She cut you off after that.
Got super judged by this lady at the Rolling Stones concert last night. Bitch don't look so salty at my dad and I splitting two joints, an edible, and two margaritas. It's the stones.
Dude, please tell me you know why there's a naked chick asleep outside my room.
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I just had sex with the Sheriff's Deputy. You should call me.
I'm driving to his house to eat chicken and hopefully have an orgasm
You wouldn't happen to know why there's an inflatable monkey riding a mattress on my roof would you?
I can't dude. Last time I was there, I blew the bartender in the bathroom at last call.
Its like your face is a pile of corn and I'm a chicken
...What??
I just woke up with a cowboy hat on my face and a playboy from the 90s on my chest
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