his text ended with ... everyone knows dot dot dot equals infer sexy time
I think I just sat on my labia. Can I borrow some scotch tape?
Made out with me girlfriend while she was peeing. all time high, or all time low?
My family is watching Intervention and taking notes. I need to leave NOW!
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im contemplating emailing my dad and telling him how worthless i am and how sorry i am that he pays for my life...aka my bar tabs.
On my arm I have 12 dashes, and below is written "plus 2 pretty stout whiskey drinks, so, you be the judge"
You wouldn't let me clean the puke off your face because I'd mess up your cat whiskers. Now that's dedication.
She had one unshaved part on her vagina that she called "the soul patch" I just didn't know what to think
You know I think I am ok with him not moving in yet. He came over, fixed my closet, ate me out, and left. I'm now in sweats drinking coke and rum and watching new girl. This works for me.
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how does someone with a Masters Degree leave poop in an ashtray in the sink? It just blows my mind
You don't know reunion panic until you've exfoliated your butt cheeks.
It's just unfortunate that I still have the image of him having sex with me fresh in my mind
Alas my dad DD'd me. Legit cock blocked to the highest degree
Threw up on break at work. That brings our collective tally to 9 times. We can never drink like that on a monday again
Soooooooo high. David tried to rinse the water droplets out of the sink for 5 minutes
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