I lined up everyone's pillows and I'm playing Evel Knievel when I jerk off later.
I hooked up with a Michael Jackson impersonator last night. Too soon?
I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! Live in the flesh!
I told the cop it was my birthday and he said "happy fuckin birthday", handcuffed me and threw me in the back of the cop car.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I woke up exactly where I passed out... on top of him yet he somehow put his pants back on
This does no justice to the amount of paint I'm covered in or the amount of balls I'm tripping.
I don't want to talk. I just want to motorboat those tits
Yeah. Not my best idea. But I'm hoping for the best . And by best, I mean not jail
Thank god crabs can't live on your head. Thank god.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Someone came into our hotel room and took our remote
What should I do?
our jesse-walt dynamic is actualy really perfect because i want to start a small time drug empire and you want to get high a lot its very accurate
Sent him a snap chat of him eating me out so he can relive the moment.
I need a guy who can see in me what the lesbian community sees in me
Fuck this. I'm adopting 12 cats and naming them after the 12 disciples. Maybe Jesus will have sympathy for me then.
Don't know where this pizza came from but i got breakfast in bed
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