i threw up in over 4 different places last night. it was like a world tour
my boyfriend just named your boyfriend's penis.
nothing says happy birthday like half a tampon wrapped in someone else's hair on your shoulder.
Ryan Reynolds porn could be a WMD. Have a giant TV on the front of your tank, and just drive around playing it. Everyone dies of orgasm overload.
That's it. Iraq is done. Everyone dies, game over man.
i keep walking around campus wondering if anyone is as stoned as i am
Im so ripped right now that i just filled the almost empty bottle of choc syrup with milk and drank it straight out of the bottle. It was on pointttttt.
Me either. I want to get 'chase a stray cat through the neighborhood in my hooker heels' drunk. And it's your birthday, so you have to get 'best friend holding your hair while you puke in the bar bathroom and cry about your life' drunk. In a feather boa.
Me and him getting it in is for special occasions only. Like Christmas and when they bring the McRib back.
I bet he'd be real motivational during sex. And he'd probably make you call him superman.
This is what you sent me from the other side of the pool, "Idk but thers a pool n l wanna get naked take off my trunks ill paddle with my dick"
I'm too old for chlamydia. That's for 20 year olds who go to clubs and do drugs I've never heard of.
Fuck you fireball...just straight up fuck out of here
Considering who their parents are, maybe you should use vodka for the baptism.
Blizzard, Hour 9: I'm 7 beers deep and have finished Ninja Turtles. I am listening to the NYPD and Nassau Fire Dept pipes and drums and writing new drum scores in my head, which I may or may not remember tomorrow
Last night at a party someone grabbed my ass so I just fucking punched them in the face then went home and ate a frozen pizza
Randomize
