I'm half single.
Please tell me it's the bottom half.
He passed out drunk on top of me. Fully erect. Still inside me. Woke up like 1 minute later, and continued.
The stripper told me she had been working there for eight years, then got mad when I asked if she was trying to make it into mangment. Awkwardest lap dance
It's an open bar on a yacht... I'm going to drown.
I made him drop me off at the wrong house waited for him to leave and crawled through several fences so he couldnt stalk me. How was your night?
They got their marriage license when they were at the courthouse for her arraignment.
diet's not working. come over. i need someone to fuck the hungry out of me.
DICK PUNCH EXTRAVAGANZAAAAAA!!!!!
Nothing says summer like lemonaid, but nothing says fuck yeah summer like lemonaid and vodkavodka
I took a yellow and pink pill, all of a sudden my sex drive is back, and for some reason all I wanna do is fuck Amish dudes
Good God, I miss doing unknown drugs with you.
I thought I would be a proper lady and put my spare panties in a ziplock
You are the ghost of drunk bitches past, present, and future.
There's not really an emoticon that says "I'm sorry I honked your boobs, and that you weren't a fan of that."
He said he would get me a helmet and bedazzle it with my name and address so the cabs would know where to take me
Did I fall last night?
I wouldn't call it falling as much as you tried to lay on the sidewalk and proceeded to hit it face first.
Randomize
