Locked eyes w/ her at mainstreet, and said 'yeah yeah get it!' From there we started violently making out on the dancefloor (I had a FULL boner, ps) and then I got her number
I just want to sing "highway to the danger zone" when I'm taking his pants off.
it's kind of nice to have a picture of me making out with someone and actually know who it is for once
It's been a long time since I felt this bad on a Monday... and for that, I thank you.
if the best thing you can say about him is "he probably wont kill me" you may want to rethink hanging out with him
SANTA'S REAL. I GOT MY PERIOD.
he picked an earring up off the bar floor and tried to give it to girls as a present.
I got to masturbate in Rome in a gorgeous hotel room. Don't try and tell me I need a boyfriend
It's been a long time since I got "Talk about Glen's enormous penis" drunk
Someone's shaving their pubes at work every Monday and it's starting to piss me off
I mean come on
Well his dad is my dentist so they've both been in my mouth.
I swear to god if you keep eating my cats food drunk I am going to kick you out of our apartment.
I smoked a joint in the bathtub at 8 am then went back to bed
For the record you're a very classy lady and your love for and mastery of strap-ons is amazing. I would gladly marry you and father your offspring
Why do we always have to be the people who get blamed for animal intoxication incidents?
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