i just bought ciggarettes using my court citation as id. I've reached an all time low.
Aaaaand that would be the most of my hand I've ever fit into a vagina before.
I'm more concerned about the fact that I can't feel my gums
I could hear them screwing through my bedroom wall again this morning, so I started beat boxing to the tempo.
He was like an artic tracker. Walked ten paces from the tree, then 15 paces from the mailbox, dug down in the snow, and pulled up the case of beer he hid from his parents out there. It tasted like ice cold success.
What's worse: not calling my parents in Dallas to make sure they're alright or not taking shelter to masturbate all over my douchebag roommates clothes?
I worry about you.
Know your penis has been the topic of conversation over glasses of wine.
apparently domino's not only has a live feed of pizzas coming out of the oven, but it also has a built in smooth jazz radio station. this pizza's getting really pornographic really fast.
I need a new best friend. Someone who drinks like a fish, hooks up enough to raise eyebrows, and isn't afraid to admit that masturbation is the second best way to spend time. Someone like me! Help me put up posters.
GOVERNMENT SHUTDOWN NO RULES ICE CREAM FOR BREAKFAST woooo!
You blacked out at 9:30 and insisted on sleeping in the hallway after you chugged an entire pitcher of beer. I guess the Jell-O shots were stronger than we thought...
Foreplay went from me being a bank teller and him a customer to us actually having to go to the bank so we would make rent
I almost just opened my door to get my pizza butt ass naked
I promise I won't bug you anymore, I just need the following things at your convenience but preferably soon: my earrings, cup, and panties. Thanks. Good talk.
Dude it's unhealthy how much I love vagina in my face
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