Thank God they found balloon boy, I was afraid that Michael Jackson was ordering take out from heaven.
"Party in the USA" was played at church youth group last night. It was like everything I enjoy hating was aligning against me.
Why does it always end up with me crying in my car.
It's four o'clock and my 60yo aunt's tits have already made an appearance and there is a dildo traveling around the room periodically assaulting family members. Strangely I am thankful.
I DO NOT KNOW WHO SHE IS, WE HAVE NO MORE FRUIT, SHE CAN'T STAY HERE.
I just had the stunning realization that I lost my virginity in a bunk bed.
you gave a quesadilla a blow job with sour cream at Denny's.
He snapchated me a photo of his penis with the caption "it needs a home".
Just passed the animal clinic parking lot I had to pull over to puke in during welcome week. I can almost hear the dogs barking at my shame again.
WHERE THE FUCK'S MY FUCKING RITALIN YOU FUCKING FASCIST?????
I can't hang out with this penis. I'll start thinking I like the person it belongs to.
I need to stop challenging people to taking off clothes. I win too often
His pet bird was perched ON HIS DICK.
Oh god it's open bar.
I wanted to give everyone gifts as they left the house... So when your wondering where most of the christmas ornaments are I'm really sorry.
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