He seemed more like the type to get donkey punched by a she-male hooker to me
I miss him.. What the hell did I get myself in to? I guess it will get better with time.
No. Just liquor. Time's no good.
How do I say to her "Have you eaten mango lately because my penis had an allergic reaction"
She handed me a mouthguard and said "here, you're going to need this" that rough.
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i told you the emergency thong was a good idea.
I've decided I'm either going to ease him into this breakup by having a threesome with him and the girl I'm leaving him for, or be brutal and fuck his room mate. it depends how nice he is tonight.
He caught a squirrel with his bare hands twice. Where do you find these people?
She came back in her actual cheerleader uniform. Made a bad bj tolerable.
I'm not upset because i like you. I'm upset because I can't use you for the sex anymore.
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I miss college girls! You know how depressing it is to fuck 30 year olds? That's what failure feels like
Whatever. I just smoked another bowl so I don't care and wow I just noticed how fast my thumb moves when I text. I'm amazing.
I'm auditing financial statements and ur growing weed this is bullshit how did this happen to me
they knew we were both to shy to do anything so they got us drunk and locked us in the back yard with a tent. it was fuck or freeze
you have the best friends
That is cause you are some weird type of mutant that lives off of Alcohol.
I'm studying. I have a really exciting life lol
It's hard to say that sarcastically after having sex in a movie theater
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