margarita scented body wash shouldn't be used the morning after cuervo. there should be a warning on the label.
Tostitos Scoops as shot glasses. Eat for chaser.
I hope his life after cheating on me is as good as Tiger's golf game is these days.
I've already come up with two plans that will probably end with me getting kicked out of here. You guys should come faster.
Just found a quarter that has been stuck to my boob since at least last night.
We could make it a date. Dinner and a show. The show being my nipples getting pierced.
I have to stop drunkenly making out with guys just because they're tall or have a beard.
I am omw to AA Fellowship by the sea w Jenny and a stripper who just paid for our jetski with 85 $1 bills
I told my doctor about us having twin chlamydia
Everyone is out there getting real jobs and I just realized I've been "washing" my clothes with fabric softener for two months.
dropping lines from Workaholics has slowly become my icebreaker when hitting on girls. who would have thought "lets get weird" would cause girls to actually get weird
The taste of regret at 8am, yup that taste is Jack Daniel's
I'm driving to work hungover. I feel like I got hit by a train and then drank that train too.
if you go to jail tonight, call call me. i wanna get out of work
What the hell kind of sad excuse for a bottom are you
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