i'm dressed up like the coppertone baby and being hit on a guy in a monk costume. the irony is not lost on me.
I heard that if you win you get to have sex with me. You guys really need to stop wagering my vagina.
I maybe just had sex outside in broad daylight. At a state park. Please be proud.
I'm surprised I haven't crapped out a leprechaun, I'm so hungover
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
At this point if I didn't go to work hungover I think the whole place would think something is wrong
BTW send me your address and size of condoms you wish your lover was-- "if you build it, they will come"
We need to figure out what we are doing for halloween asap. I'm not going out like a punk ass bitch burger king again this year.
PROFESSOR JUST TOOK A SHOT WITH US BEFORE CLASS. WELCOME TO THE LAST DAY OF FINALS.
Shitty. Well if it makes you feel any better I just had a toothless wasted crackhead in my bar who was mad because there are TOO MANY FUCKIN TREES in Nantucket.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Mmhmmm. I have a list of drunk achievement that is almost as long as my list of stoned achievements
He called us the '3 Amigos' and told us if hos ex wife came we had to jump the porch railing and hide in the bushes.
Soooo we should kick it sometime when it's like light outside. Drink outta cups.. Be bitches. 7, 6, 3, 5.. 4, 2, 1... Sschhkiddaellladiieessscchk
Last year I got a dildo in the mail on my birthday. Today it was just a credit card bill. Sadface.
The dominoes guy came back thirty mins later to ask me out. I guess he figures if I'm eating pizza alone I must have gotten dumped
Was i rolling around in a parking lot last night
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