1. Call me if you need ANYTHING. 2. If you get tag teamed, I want details.
worst experience of my life. her nipples were sick. kinda like a venn diagram
every time i get drunk at her place i end up leaving with nothing but an empty box of toaster strudels..
at home by myself drinkin the left over champagne from my party... who says my birthday has to end?
Being drunk at the hospital is better than i expected. I got to hide and play in the little kids waiting area. Btw no one is hurt
I think I sprained my soul last night
Did I really make him pull over to give the homeless guy my bra?
I don't need to know how horny your mother is, hun.
The only way I'll cross anything off my to do list today is if I write 'eat melted cheese' on it
My dad slapped my ass the other day and say I was "doing the family name good". I feel...proud
So I woke up alone in the hotel room clutching a bible to my chest. Explain, please.
It bothers me when I see my old fuck buddies starting families on Facebook.
I've seen too many dicks in the past week. I can't do it anymore.
So I came to the conclusion that who ever pour my ever clear out saved my life
I smell like beef jerky
That's among the sexiest things you've ever said to me.
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