Did u get laid? I went and bought lube and fleshlighted it while moaning ur name the whole time.
why am i having a flashback about somewhere we were this weekend with music videos playing? Spike jonze brothers place?? Help me out
With the way things had been going, I was never more excited for a person to cum
My night ended with Em alternately crying and throwing up in the arms of a guy wearing a cutoff and a tiara. I sat holding a garbage can and wine glass full of water wondering how our night got to this point.
You asked the bartender if she was trying to get you drunk. She cut you off after that.
Still slightly drunk, sitting in Hyde park village. Two small children are dancing and singing "call me maybe" on the fountain in front of me. Am I hallucinating?
"He was so not worth staining my backseat for."
I woke up the other day with my Google browser open to "DIY lip injections"... I also just received a vial of hyaluronic acid and a package of TB syringes from amazon. I'm down.
I will have no part of this.
A prostitute stole us beer at 3 am
I guess that means I was blowing a nerd last week.
And loving it.
I found an industrial strength sharpie in the drawer so I started writing BONER JAM 2014 on everyone's foreheads so they kicked me out
I AM SMARTER THAN EVERY FUCKBOY WHO HAS EVER SWIPED LEFT ON ME
Uhm I have a bottle of tequila, a gallon of orange juice, and leggings. Now ask me again how hard im going? And that doesn't cover tomorrow.
theres a girl in the library eating whip cream out of a starbucks cup... only whip cream, im way to high for this shit
It's bullshittery. It's asshattery. It's complete fuckery at its finest.
Randomize
