She was drunk and kept trying to talk while I was in her mouth. It sounded like the teacher from a Charlie Brown cartoon!
There is an old man sitting across from me. Phone rang and his ringtone is children giggling, I'm not safe here.
They are pre-gaming a trip to congress...not sure how politically correct the group is.
Judging by the fact that my hair was glued to my head with vomit, yeah I think I couldve used a friend last night
It's called 'beer pong' not 'everclear and coke pong' for a reason...
i feel like you're just hanging onto the edge of functioning wino.
The difference between you and me last night was that I didn't remember getting into the cab and you didnt know we were in one.
Oh my god please beg your father to turn the car around so you can possibly get laid by a knight at medieval times.
I love my life sometimes. I do miss being an adult, from time to time, but a little vodka always changes my mind.
jen just told me ur idea of revenge was saluting while letting his bong float away while attached to some balloons.
I need to sanitize my soul.
Woohoo! Instead of a pregnancy test you can buy me a burrito
You screamed out "happy birthday Jesus" followed by chugging Bacardi straight out the bottle
I noticed it at one point and thought do I really wanna bang the guy with the phone holster .....of course I do
I just woke up with a pair of handcuffs in my pants, can u explain this?
Randomize
