Yes, you did come over last night. You also tried to give my dog a blowjob. You got rejected.
I love having a vagina, its like having the keys to a city
sarah just described his penis as "like bong-girth." I'm gunna go for it.
Stripper pole. Sore legs. More vaca money.
This is how I ended up being the slutty friend isn't it?
Sometime between a drunk guy asking me if I'm a Beach person or a lake person WHILE HIS HAND WAS IN HIS FUCKING PANTS or breaking up a lady fight over peewee football league I started to reevaluate my life and self
We were escorted through the guys dorm by 5 kids with nerf guns and zelda shields. I felt like the president with a fucked up secret service squad.
Yes, yes I will fake crap in his house for you.
I have no idea what those words in that order meant, but if you go to Florida send me pics of strippers
i spent 45 minutes yellng Heather I feel so bad i wanna die and then 45 more yelling I DONT WANNT TO DIE. thats how drunk i was
So I woke up alone in the hotel room clutching a bible to my chest. Explain, please.
He also wore a doorag last night so i had to swipe left.
When you get this divorce finalized we're going to mid evil times AND pirate dining adventure. We're gonna find you a couple of real men and make them joust/swashbuckle for your affection. My treat.
Also I will be receiving my own bra in the mail because I left it at his place, woops
And you hate the library
Yea but I love drugs and my grades
Randomize
