Starbucks introducing alcohol. i hear angels singing.
I don't know if the fire truck was perfect timing or if she actually burned something down.
you are the best fuck buddy i could have, all the others get feelings and morals involved
My STD test came back clean. I'd like to thank all the guys I've slept with, they made this possible. I want to say thanks to all my friends, for believing in me living up to the full slut potential. And last but not least, I'd like to thank alcohol. I wouldn't be who I am today w/out you. I feel like I need to frame this...
oh hey summer self, welcome to endless thirsty thursdays and walks of shame.
She recited Pi throughout ever orgasm she had....she said it was a game she likes to play...how far she gets is how she judges her lovers...I am oddly turned on by this...
I can't believe we just used the phrase "jizz to juice ratio" in casual conversation.
it's sad when i round the corner and the dog goes directly for the liquor store
We are two peas in an std pod
Drunk naked twister. My place. Heath is trying to use his dick as a third leg.
Also, I'm going to yoga because I have a Taylor Swift range of emotions right now.
I'm going to book club and then I'm going to get laid. Being in your 20s ain't so bad sometimes.
She's takin more dicks this month than I have in my life by the sounds of it
I just woke up in the closet wearing nothing but a Santa hat.
Like Napoleon Dynamite?
Exactly like Napoleon Dynamite
But with bacon.
Randomize
