There is now a Twilight themed dildo. What do YOU want for christmas??
So I was watching the View and they were saying oral sex is the new goodnight kiss
So when are we having a sleepover?
He wants a "vagina fling" before he commits to dick for life. I'm gonna allow it.
Just did coke off of a cross necklace and am headed to the strip club. Happy Easter!
I was blowing him while he was singing Happy Birthday to his girlfriend on the phone. I win.
ASS. GYMANSTICS. OLYMPICS. NOW!!!
We really shouldn't need this many nicknames for the women you've had sex with.
Judging by his bulge. This guy is going home with me. Who doesn't want a dick that looks like it used to be a pillar in Rome.
Can I come by? I want you to meet my squirrel
You slept on a pillow of digiorno
You know how I said I hit my head so hard I saw two of him and tried to make out with both? Well, it turns out he has a twin.
Last night I watered my lawn and smoked a joint then cooked a steak. I'm really killing this adulthood thing.
I did a trust fall off the bar and then almost got into a knife fight over a push up competition. Just another Tuesday.
She was so happy for me that she insisted I fuck her with my Bills jersey on. THAT ACCOMMODATING
Cover for me. Stopped at Chris’ for a quickie. Broke a high heel and there’s jizz all over my black dress. Fuck pornstars for making workday sex look easy
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