I kiss like a newly born barfing kangaroo
Hungover. Be in at noonish. Turn my monitor on and put a hot cup of coffee on my desk so the boss thinks I'm in
He's married, a coworker, and a smoker. not sure which personal rule broken i'm most ashamed of...
I think the puke all over the side of my car actually improves its appearance.
You kept telling me how warm your bag of vomit was and asked me if i wanted to feel.
I'm hungover as hell. I'm dying. I have no skin left on my knees
Dave, I love you but you're barking up the wrong lesbian. You sir are the competition. You don't threesome with competition.
I just took two shots of Burnerts out of a ladle. Get here now.
There are days when you go to throw something in your bedroom trash can and realize the only things in there are a used condom, a Lime-arita can and a muffin wrapper.
Officially crunch time. It's my last year of grad school and I've yet to get blown in a school library. The parking garage was less than a block away though.
Its 8 in the morning and I wouldn't pass a breathalyzer test, How's your day been?
Come over. And we'll put iced coffee in the bong.
So I pass out narcotics if its a girl?
I feel so accomplished. I've cleaned my room, done laundry, called those places, gotten jobs, and masturbated.
I'm so proud of you.
When you called me I said did you make it home. You said yeah. Then you said you didn't know where you were. I said you were at home and you said but where. I said you are in the bathroom. Then you said oh, you're so smart lol
Randomize
