whoever gets the blood i just donated is getting a shit ton of free thc
Remember that time i walked in on your friend taking a huge shit?
Remember that time you hooked up with him?
I woke up this morning next to some guy. I was horrified, he woke up and said, "the white tiger strikes again!"
I don't know which is worse: knowing all the free porn websites, or knowing which days they update their free porn.
i just woke up at 8pm naked in my bed, with a fresh haircut. I wonder what barber i went to.
Is it a bad thing that the only time i wear nice clothes to class, is when i get too fucked up the night before and wear the same clothes i went out in?
She woke up 3 seperate times, each time she had a look of pure terror on her face, she had no clue where she was.
The only thing worse than listening to you two fuck all night was waking up and smelling bacon and there not being any left.
she just made some guy spank her... then made some chick take a running start and spank her.
Only catch is you have to sleep in the same bed as me. But no worries, I plan on being in a random guys hotel room every night. So it's essentially yours.
He was all like, "I think ur the one that got away and I miss you." I replied, "I gave u a hand job once in your hot tub. No need to wax nostalgic about it."
I think my new low is running outside in a towel to pet a particularly fluffy looking squirrel and projectile vomiting off the balcony.
the problem is i have six tabs of acid in my freezer and no self control
Yes. Life would be much easier if we had penises & could do whatever the fuck we want.
BOOOOOOOOOOOO *takes away your hoe card*
Randomize
