Vanessa Carlton's songs would be so much better if she was pretty
I woke up laying in alphagetti with the message "I'd go get checked asap" written out in the letters.
I got a Luke Skywalker costume so I can go do battle with the homeless guy who plays the fiddle dressed as Darth Vader downtown.
its sad im about to start saving up for how drunk i need to be for the holidays
Just took last nights make up off with a sock. That hungover.
I will be going to walgreens soon.. nothing says trainwreck like pickin up a scrip for xanax at 2am drunk..
It was incredible. For as long as I live, I will gladly drop whatever I'm doing and spend a night with her face between my legs ANY time she asks.
I am decidedly straight, but I'll write it into my wedding vows if I have to.
I just traded 5 cigarettes for a sandwich on they greyhound.You owe me 5 cigarettes. I told you I would get hungry.
Nothing says happy valentines day like waking up to a naked man you hooked up with taking a walk of shame
Masturbating during the Olympics and cumming during the national anthem really is everything it's cracked up to be. Just thought you should know.
Nothing says "Hello, Adulthood!" quite like receiving a dick photo at 11AM from a guy you haven't heard from since fifth grade.
My neighbors are white girl rapping to Hamilton again...
I don’t know if I’m nauseous or just disgusted with myself.
Never underestimate the power of titties
Can you get the dildos out of the shower before the maids come?
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