It is obvious to me now why clam chowder & beer aren't a good combo.
everyday i am more and more thankful i can still check the no box for "have you ever been convicted of a felony?" on applications
I went out in the middle of the night to smoke my weed.. Didn't realize my dad was sitting on the patio doing the exact same thing..
It's not my fault. Someone keeps buying me tequila shots. Idk who. But every time I look down there's another. I think there's a conspiracy.
Lives are in shambles. Livers are in disrepair. Our friend was missing for 2 days. His brother slept in a porta potty. God damn you college world series
I give you full permission to fuck a rando on my air mattress.
Witnessing a crazy lady on the bus screaming about how romney is one of the four horsemen of the apocalypse.
I'm at a bar. It's body paint Wednesday. All of the waitresses are topless. Help me
She got drunk on the air plane and pretended to be an elephant for an hour...Atleast the kid behind us enjoyed it.
Body paints and jello. Your canvas awaits
Another sexterpiece awaits
Just follow the currents of life. And if they take me on to a guys dick, so be it.
Being in the club with your moms drunk friends > having a healthy relationship with your mom
She just kept feeding people pretzels and sayying "You're such a good goldfish."
I was trying to type "I just want you naked" and it put "I just want you baked"
I'd invite you over to drink but then I wouldn't be drinking by myself.
Randomize
