Dude, I woke up in the kitchen, naked, with a blueberry bagel as a pillow.
Can I eat your pillow?
member when we used to take shits together before volleyball games?
I think the recipie for awesome sauce is butter and semen
Remeber, hes got nothing better to offer you than drunk words and hairy balls.
legit been throwing up since 7am. told my parents the two bowls of puke in my dorm were soup
Robbie told me you spent 10 mins discussing the curl in his hair and that you said "with that curl in your hair, you'll go far"
Who wrote "the chamber of secrets has been open, enemies of the heir beware" across my bathroom wall?
He got hotter. I'm offended on behalf of the rest of our graduating year.
If he doesn't get here soon I'm taking off my thong and eating his dinner.
I think my sex life is about to turn into a war on two fronts
He said I have a comfortable vagina. What does that even mean?
Seriously, why do I have a mortar round?
I'm so happy for you. But I still have to shave because a woman has needs and this woman needs an orgasm.
We saw the mini basketball hoop and unicycle and just knew we had to create a new sport
Drunk minds think alike
I’m good. I learned that a guy ate the mushrooms that were growing out of his toilet, so there’s that.
Randomize
