I tried to use my car keys to open my door
I just started a sentence with yellow.
WAKE UP. GET ME THE PILL. AND SAVE MY LIFE
My parents showed me my IQ test from fourth grade, I'm shitting on my potential.
I have the Lakers game on, but all I can think about is having sex with you. Not sure what you've done here.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm gonna go out in a limb and say living out middle school fantasies is never a good idea
Is 10 pm too early to booty call a freshman?
Casually had to file a missing persons report last night
Make me a sandwich
The day you make me feel like my detachable showerhead does I'll make you a sandwich.
What if we made a bunch of weed butter and then poured the butter into tiny rectangular molds and then chilled it so it was solid again and then wrapped it with the tin foil wrapping from restaurant butter and then left them at restaurants and wreaked utter havoc.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
And apparently I was the one that started the drunken make out session that broke the window
Fastest way to get judgmental looks on a Sunday morning: wear sunglasses inside carrying a case of beer and thin mints at the grocery store. May or may not have ran into the glass door.
Gotta love Minnesota
He told me the hickey on the side if his neck was actually a "bruise" from hitting a bird on his motorcycle. I'm not sure what's more impressive, the fact people believed him due to the size of the mark or the fact you gave it to him.
I found out that rock climbing and alcohol does not go together. Ask my broken arm.
Successfully put eye drops in while driving with my glasses on. Stoner level: expert
Found Ryan’s keys in the fridge. On my way back.
Also, tell him he missed Nathan passing out in the dryer.
Randomize