I tried doing a handstand in the middle of the bar and I ended up kicking this old guy in the face and broke his glasses. Thats how I got kicked out
she has a fucking refrigerator full of four loko and is charging 15 dollars a can.... she is like a mini donald trump
We did a shot for each one. Father... son... and holy ghost. That wasn't enough though so we moved on to toasting dead relatives.
Please tell me your aunt didn't see the Brita pitcher full of condom wrappers. We had at least 100.
Want to know what makes for a better story than treehouse sex? Getting busted during treehouse sex
its weird that my cat bites every fat chick i bring home. i repeat every fat chick, qhT KINDA FRIEND ARE YOU
According to the red cross, I'm not suppose to do anything strenuous for the next 24 hours. That means you're on top.
You asked the waitress what the corking fee would be on the Joose you smuggled into the restaurant.
life lesson #151: dont let people go batshit crazy and stab you in the knee
i will live by this rule
She still didn't believe that he would cheat on her so I finally said "how else would I know that his batman mask is still in the back of his car from halloween?" I think she accepted it
My vagina needs a break, I had to ice it with a beer bottle last night.
Butt Stuff 2016 unites us all
I passed out in your bed last night...there maybe a snickers and twix bar under your pillow
party at the soccer house. crumbs in my sexy panties. can't. put. pieces. together.
So being hungover in an office full of people with hangovers for 9 hours is quite possibly what hell will be like.
Randomize
