Rosebud was a fucking sled. Gay.
she claims you yelled BOMBS AWAY when you came. tell me she's lying
but she didn't tell you i squeezed, built up pressure, and napalmed her face as i yelled it, did she
we convinced you the moon was a planet...again
My dinner last night was 3000 calories of beer. Slept kneeling on the floor w/ my head on a couch
since when did our medecine drawer and our sex drawer become the same drawer? we now have lube covered cough drops.
took off my bra and popcorn fell out of it. im gonna puke at this wedding...
Look. If you get me out of this speeding ticket you can bang my sister. Or my mom. But not both.
Girl behind me in line at cvs was getting impatient then outta nowhere blew up shouting that if she didn't get her plan b soon she might be a mom abd that if we couldn't tell she'd be a terrible mom
He told her Jesus wouldnt yell curse or degrade her. He'd just simply shake his head and slap the shit out of her
I haven't been this unsober in a long time. I feel like I am observing myself. Like I am a test subject for alcohol. I wish my brain would shut up and let me be a normal drunk.
Bored at work. googling vodka waffles.
Yes. I will keep putting the beer into my stomach and eventually the bartender will make a mistake
How does a face ride mean we're back together?
when i woke up with 300+ messages I didn't except them to be about coyotes and burning shoes.
please don't ironically join a cult
Randomize
