just a heads up, there may or may not be a mailbox full of the leftover beer on the table in your basement.
My life is a requiem composed in the key of fuck.
Your ability to be a slut in your nightmare astounds me
Im trying to find an appropriate gift to your mom for getting both you and your sister on birth control within a week, any suggestions?
When you consider the sheer number of events that had to occur in order to prevent me from fucking her, there must be a god
No, we talked about it. They're cool with me living here as long as I sleep with them both.
You're a rent hooker.
OHMYGOD did I try to use pinesol as a mixer?
I just saw a girl on crutches doing a walk of shame. She is either super dedicated, or her night didn't go as planned.
I don't know what's more sad. The fact that I'm genuinely impressed about being sober for a whole 3 days or the fact that I want to get wasted in celebration.
Topless dodge ball cldnt top that
I just fully woke up, never smoking that much weed again. I had stress dreams about your house being surrounded by a lake and we kept losing our cars in it.
He said "just hugs" and ran away screaming.
So it may have been laced, sue me.
Do you remember ripping my condom off last night while yelling "I DEMAND MY MEAT RAW" like a Viking?
Literally the fucking master of salvaging the possibility of a blow job whilst also crushing somebody's dreams.
STOP GETTING GIRLS PREGNANT IN MY BED.
Randomize
