I'm at a Mexican Walmart. Wish you were here.
My hair reeks of homosexuality.
just so you know, your brother isn't driving home wasted tonight. he is, instead, in my dorm shower screaming about rubbing his butt with my loofah; thought you would be proud
I feel like if I were on Intervention, I would have to be a season finale.
her bridesmaids come in huge, huger, wtf, and free willy. all their gown are strapless. its like watching the Hindenburg waddle down the isle.
we got hammered off table wine and i ended up biting my acrylic nail off so i could finger his butt.. ill never look at valentines day the same
I feel like I've been drunk all of June. And I am in NO WAY ashamed about it.
I just ate a can of beans for dinner so I can afford to go get a 5$ bottle of wine. I really did not think these choices would still be necessary at age 25.
That girl next to you randomly said that she fits into a queen sized pillow case
WTF.
Shower sex is an art that should not be attemted drunk
No, I'm not a weirdo, I keep bondage straps under my matress like a normal person, not a diary.
I literally just woke up in a dog bed, in a bathtub in someone else's house...and I'm not wearing pants
I'm being hhit on by creepy guys please come one bought me a penis hat balloon animal save meeeee
Shut up. I hate you. We're doing shots tomorrow. Fuck the consequences.
That man fucks like a champ. The sex was so good I did him again in the morning just to be sure
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