can you please tell me why I'm bleeding so heavily from my ass and all my makeup is gone?
I'm watching ellen!
just because im gay does not mean you need to notify me every time you watch the ellen degeneres show
Uh, also, Rob told me he felt bad for choking you.
i asked if you wanted help changing your sheets after you threw up in bed. you politely declined. i take no responsibility after that.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I decided to buy a keg of Miller Lite instead of paying the electric bill. Just thought I'd give you a heads up...
cheating on your boyfriend is the best diet ever, I've barely eaten in days. The guilt is killing me
I stumbled in at 6am to find my cat in the window making a noise I've never heard her make. When I went to the window there was a goat outside staring at us.
Are you sure? Or did you just think there was a goat?
No there was a goat. I gave it a donut.
I'm going to call you, don't answer. Need to practice moaning to your answering machine again
You guys bombarded us in the bathroom and that kid whipped his dick out and peed in the sink.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Welcome to the south, dude. Gives the phrase "I wish you a dry ass" a new perspective.
I'm spending tomorrow with her. What should my ridiculous personal goal be? I've already got a blowjob while eating a cupcake
I just wrote my resume on the same park bench I got felt up at in freshman year of highschool... I've truly come full circle
Most of my life can be described like an HBO prison drama.
Facebook: “Hey you fucked on a diving board, you should probably should wish him a happy birthday”
It's 2017. Get with the program. Also remind me never to get margaritas with you ever on Cinco de Mayo.
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