I made my friend ***** cry when I wouldn't let her call u for an orgy at 3am...I didn't think you'd be to happy being woke up
can you explain why there is a dead rabbit in my front seat?
idk, I had a turtle in mine.
after we finished, she said she had been a backup performer for Cirque du Soleil. THAT flexible.
She begged me for sex again. I felt like I was telling a homeless person I didn't have any change.
i just wanna lock my vagina in a safe filled with bandaids and healthy things
OMG HE JUST PUKED WITH THE DOOR OPEN WHILE DRIVING ON THE ROAD AND OMG WE NEED TO CHAT BUT NOT ATM CAUSE THERES PUKE ON MY PHONE
She was indeed spoonfeeding you potato salad out of that giant bowl with a giant spoon. Dont feel special, she was giving it to everyone that left the bar.
Slutty costumes are my most sacred holiday tradition! Wearing a not-slutty costume is like putting cheezwiz on a communion wafer.
i decided if i had to, i could survive with only 3 fingers on each hand.
with a cock that big I don't even care that he makes a convincing drag queen
On a completely different note: my hookup and i are now in a semester GPA competition. Winner gets froyo and sexual favors. School just got interesting.....
I like how I just yelled in the window at Mcdonalds drive thru, got his number and then fucked. it was like I ordered a happy meal that only can be had after midnight.
Dude. Woke up this morning wearing that chick's panties. 8/10, would recommend. I love tequila.
He was going down on me and all I could think about was how proud of me you'd be
I don't think I've ever had this many people offer me blow before. 3 o'clock on a Thursday. I keep good company.
Randomize
