you sent me 45 texts saying "meow?"
did i?
You slow danced with your carpet steamer last night.
He confessed to putting dry erase marker dots on my vibrator to keep track of when I "electronically cheated" and then passed out.
thats it. im teaching my cat how to use a fire alarm
I have bruises all over from falling so much last night, I even have bruises on my arms from them picking me up off the street.. Oh vodka nights.
And by defning the relationship I mean telling him I'm gonna fuck other people but its cool If he does the same.
Whatever. That's why I am to be babied like a calf. I regret nothing.
But that background check said 51...Omg. If I hooked up with someone that's my dads age.....
Thursday could be nutella day. You could make me a nutella sandwich and then fuck me senseless
I thought you died. Don't forget it's burger night.
I'm a girl who met my last three bfs in gay clubs. Think I'm doing something wrong?
I feel like hooking up with you on my floor, sneaking out my window and jumping a fence is an effort that deserves a happy birthday.
sexting just seems like too much work right now.
It involves me, my best friend, and a stripper and her mother.
We somehow ended up in Oklahoma. Nick's been crapping for two hours and I'm afraid to call a doctor because who the hell knows what sort of stuff goes down in the middle of nowhere. So not a great long weekend really.
Randomize
